Food is my kryptonite. For those who are geek challenged, that means food is my weakness. I use to have the hardest time admitting that it was my weakness. I still do for the most part. But as I continue to lose the weight, I am see what weakness, or crutch that food is to me.
Yesterday, I had a conversation with my friend Andy. His wife had bought pizza for myself and a group of hungry gamers (hey, sitting around playing games is HARD work :), and there was plenty of left overs. Andy asked me if I wanted any of it, and I had to say no. I told Andy that I could not take any home. If I did, it would be eaten in mass amounts. Andy then asked if I wanted to take just 2 pieces home. I ended up telling him no again, because if I did take it home, I would have eaten both pieces later that night. I am glad I said no..because I am sure I would have been right.
My brain does not work like others. I get full like others, but i still continue to cram my face, even if I am full. I eat, like a bear in the winter time, not knowing when my next meal is coming. I am still not sure why I eat as much as I do...or why I eat, when I know I am full. I wish I did know. It is something that I am still trying to figure out why. Until I figure out why I eat the way I do, I am going to have to keep saying no. No to taking leftovers home, no to anything extra. Food is my drug...food is my fear. And every day I have to fight that fear.
So this is where I am right now...wish I had something more fun to say...but this is what is on my heart right now...
Monday, May 5, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Agony of Da Feet, Marching for a Victory
As I said in the previous blog, I walked 2,5 miles for the March for Babies walk. Now to you average people, 2.5 miles may not sound like a lot. Heck it does not sound like a whole lot to me...but i reminded myself that I was walking for a good cause, myself.
You see, I raised over $500 for the March of Dimes, and that is awesome. By the way if you are reading this, and have not donated, even a little amount...there is still time. Go to the website, I mentioned in the last blog, and you can donate there. I raised the money in honor of my Godson Jacob, and his little brother Connor. I have blogged about Jacob before, and he is a great kid. So full of life, and fun (beats the poop out of me too!). So, i raised the money for him and his brother. But when it came to the walk, I did not want to do it. I was trying to think of so many excuses not to do it. I even prayed for rain. Nothing...no excuses, no rain...nothing. So, I decided to do something about it. I decided to walk, but I decided not to walk for Jacob, or Connor, or even my friend Lauren who asked me to raise money. I decided not to walk for the people that donated money in my name. Nope, I decided there was only one way to do this thing. I had to walk for me. I had to be the one that took the steps, and felt the pain. I had to be the one that got scared, because I could not take one more step, and was still able to go one. I had to want this. I wanted to walk the full 5K walk...until I found out it was not a 5K, but a 5 mile walk...which is a HUGE difference. But I got half way. And I was proud of myself. Prouder than I had been with myself in a long time. It was nice to be able to accomplish something. And you know something, I did not die. I did it...all on my own...with God's help. Trust me, I was in constant communication with Dad...and He was the one that gave me the strength to go as far as I did.
Again, let me focus on this walk...at over 400 pounds, I was walking for 2 or 3 people...and I did it. Imagine your spouse or signifigant other, jumping in your arms and carrying them 2.5 miles...that is what I did with myself. This is a huge accomplishment...one that I will be proud of the rest of my life. That 2.5 mile walk might just be the thing that helps save my life. We will see, but I want to work harder.
And next year will be even bigger (not me) and better. By losing this weight, I will next year walk the whole 5 miles. And I want to raise $1000 for the March of Dimes. So if you did not donate this year...I am finding you next year. And if you did donate this year...that does not let you off the hook either:)
So the agony of my feet became victory. God is good all the time.
Your Eternal Bud.
You see, I raised over $500 for the March of Dimes, and that is awesome. By the way if you are reading this, and have not donated, even a little amount...there is still time. Go to the website, I mentioned in the last blog, and you can donate there. I raised the money in honor of my Godson Jacob, and his little brother Connor. I have blogged about Jacob before, and he is a great kid. So full of life, and fun (beats the poop out of me too!). So, i raised the money for him and his brother. But when it came to the walk, I did not want to do it. I was trying to think of so many excuses not to do it. I even prayed for rain. Nothing...no excuses, no rain...nothing. So, I decided to do something about it. I decided to walk, but I decided not to walk for Jacob, or Connor, or even my friend Lauren who asked me to raise money. I decided not to walk for the people that donated money in my name. Nope, I decided there was only one way to do this thing. I had to walk for me. I had to be the one that took the steps, and felt the pain. I had to be the one that got scared, because I could not take one more step, and was still able to go one. I had to want this. I wanted to walk the full 5K walk...until I found out it was not a 5K, but a 5 mile walk...which is a HUGE difference. But I got half way. And I was proud of myself. Prouder than I had been with myself in a long time. It was nice to be able to accomplish something. And you know something, I did not die. I did it...all on my own...with God's help. Trust me, I was in constant communication with Dad...and He was the one that gave me the strength to go as far as I did.
Again, let me focus on this walk...at over 400 pounds, I was walking for 2 or 3 people...and I did it. Imagine your spouse or signifigant other, jumping in your arms and carrying them 2.5 miles...that is what I did with myself. This is a huge accomplishment...one that I will be proud of the rest of my life. That 2.5 mile walk might just be the thing that helps save my life. We will see, but I want to work harder.
And next year will be even bigger (not me) and better. By losing this weight, I will next year walk the whole 5 miles. And I want to raise $1000 for the March of Dimes. So if you did not donate this year...I am finding you next year. And if you did donate this year...that does not let you off the hook either:)
So the agony of my feet became victory. God is good all the time.
Your Eternal Bud.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Busy Week
First off, big thank you's to all of you for the emails, and messages through the blogs sites with the encouraging words, and bits of wisdom about my ongoing weight loss. Just to give all of you an update on where I am at: I have lost 12.4 pounds so far. Not too bad...wish it was more...but I will take what I can get.
Now, I want to talk to you about this week. It was a crazy week for me, and I almost did not make it. And now, i start a new week...sigh...luckily next weekend is a LOT slower. Yeah me.
Now, to this week. On Tuesday, I was invited by my friend Brian, and his lovely girlfriend Kris over for dinner. They showed me how to cook veggies better. I have an awful times eating veggies, and Kris (who is an awesome cook) showed me how to make tastier veggies. We also had a very nice time watching and grading the American Idols contestants. It was an awesome meeting.
On Wednesday, it started early. I originally had the day off, but got canceled out when a co-worker of mine got sick, and we needed someone to work the reports for my area. After the day was over with, I met up with my cousin and her fiance and saw the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". It has 2 of my favorite new actors in it, Jason Segal and Kristin Bell. It was funny, but, it was one of those uncomfortable funny movies. It was also a very crude movie. So I so do not recommend the movie to any of my friends out there...
Thursday was trivia night, which went off with out a hitch, until the last question of the night with the whole game up for grabs. I was adament that I was right on the question, and my partner in trivia night said he was right in his...and we argued about it. We ended up after my calling out his manhood, going with my answer. And I ended up being wrong. And my trivia partner was right. I felt horrible, and my partner made sure I felt worse...it sucked!
Friday was bowling night...uneventful...but it was ok.
Saturday was the March of Dimes walk. If you still want to donate to March of Dimes, please check out this website: http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?w=41000072&u=DeezGators
Now for the walk...it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was told it was a 5K, but it ended up being a 5 mile walk. It was up hills,and bridges, and very tough. I ended up walking 2.5 miles of it. I felt great, until this morning. I was exhausted today, and had a hard time even moving. I still feel amazing. I am ready to walk more. I will keep you posted.
So that was my week...I weighed in too (see above). This week, I am going to concentrate on moving more.
Blessings to you all...I will be back soon with something more fun to write about.
Your Eternal Bud!
Now, I want to talk to you about this week. It was a crazy week for me, and I almost did not make it. And now, i start a new week...sigh...luckily next weekend is a LOT slower. Yeah me.
Now, to this week. On Tuesday, I was invited by my friend Brian, and his lovely girlfriend Kris over for dinner. They showed me how to cook veggies better. I have an awful times eating veggies, and Kris (who is an awesome cook) showed me how to make tastier veggies. We also had a very nice time watching and grading the American Idols contestants. It was an awesome meeting.
On Wednesday, it started early. I originally had the day off, but got canceled out when a co-worker of mine got sick, and we needed someone to work the reports for my area. After the day was over with, I met up with my cousin and her fiance and saw the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". It has 2 of my favorite new actors in it, Jason Segal and Kristin Bell. It was funny, but, it was one of those uncomfortable funny movies. It was also a very crude movie. So I so do not recommend the movie to any of my friends out there...
Thursday was trivia night, which went off with out a hitch, until the last question of the night with the whole game up for grabs. I was adament that I was right on the question, and my partner in trivia night said he was right in his...and we argued about it. We ended up after my calling out his manhood, going with my answer. And I ended up being wrong. And my trivia partner was right. I felt horrible, and my partner made sure I felt worse...it sucked!
Friday was bowling night...uneventful...but it was ok.
Saturday was the March of Dimes walk. If you still want to donate to March of Dimes, please check out this website: http://www.marchforbabies.org/personal_page.asp?w=41000072&u=DeezGators
Now for the walk...it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was told it was a 5K, but it ended up being a 5 mile walk. It was up hills,and bridges, and very tough. I ended up walking 2.5 miles of it. I felt great, until this morning. I was exhausted today, and had a hard time even moving. I still feel amazing. I am ready to walk more. I will keep you posted.
So that was my week...I weighed in too (see above). This week, I am going to concentrate on moving more.
Blessings to you all...I will be back soon with something more fun to write about.
Your Eternal Bud!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Hi My Name is Chris and I Weighed 433 Pounds
Yep, that is right. I have let myself go so much, that I now weigh the most that I have ever weighed in my life. Am, I scared...you better believe it. Am I disappointed in myself? Yeah, I am. Was I depressed beyond all get out last week? Very much so. But, I want to do something about it now. I cannot live like this one minute longer.
First thing I need to do is triage. I started Weight Watchers last Saturday. All of last week, I did not have one caloric beverage. I stuck to my WW food plan. I ate healthy food. I took care of myself, except exercising. Yesterday, I weighed in, and I weighed in at 426 pounds...7.4 pound loss. I am pumped up! I need to keep on this role. I even tried salmon last night (did not like it...but it was cooked great).
I am going to keep fighting this...this is my seventh go around with Weight Watchers...my umpteeth time at trying to take care of myself. Is this time going to be different? I am not sure...only time will tell. The only thing I can is keep fighting. I can't surrender. I have been doing it too long.
To be continued...
First thing I need to do is triage. I started Weight Watchers last Saturday. All of last week, I did not have one caloric beverage. I stuck to my WW food plan. I ate healthy food. I took care of myself, except exercising. Yesterday, I weighed in, and I weighed in at 426 pounds...7.4 pound loss. I am pumped up! I need to keep on this role. I even tried salmon last night (did not like it...but it was cooked great).
I am going to keep fighting this...this is my seventh go around with Weight Watchers...my umpteeth time at trying to take care of myself. Is this time going to be different? I am not sure...only time will tell. The only thing I can is keep fighting. I can't surrender. I have been doing it too long.
To be continued...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Sitting at Home with Oscar
I am sitting watching the lovely Kristen Chenowith sing right now. Can you believe a woman that is 4 foot 10 inches tall can sing like no ones business? She has an amazing voice. I am watching the Oscars people. I know that it is a love fest for the Hollywood elite, but you know something, I like watching this show. It is just fun to me.
Now to get down to business. The reason I am writing is to talk about a thing that happen to me today. I went with my family to go see "Spamalot" today. For those of you, who do not know what that is, it is a musical based upon the movie, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". It is a fantastic musical. I laughed so hard through out. It is amazing. Sadly, this is not what I want to talk about.
When we got to the theater, my worst nightmare came true. The seats for the theater are small for even normal people. How do I know this? Because the people I was with told me they were. The seats are very low to the ground, and very thin. So getting in the seat was not comfortable for me. My body had to squeeze in to this seat, and sadly it pured out the seats next to me. I was sitting with my friend, and soon to cousin in law Jeremy, and decided to sit in a seat away from him. First it is a guy code thing, and second I figured it would be more comfortable to sit a seat away from him until the person sitting there came. Well people came, but it turns out that we did have a extra seat. But the older couple that sat next to me, I could tell was uncomfortable to sit next to a guy that clearly was taking up part of their chair too. The gentlemen did not complain to me, but he did go up and talk to an usher for a moment. I was sure that he was talking to the usher about me. And you know something I can understand that. Well, once the show started, the gentlemen and his wife switched seats to a pair of seats across the isle from where we were sitting. They sat there the whole show, and no one said anything. Everything is all good right? Not so much.
This obviously got in my head. Gosh, the fact that I was uncomfortable in that seat the whole time kind of kept myself in my head. Now, please know, I had a wonderful day today. The show was amazing, and I had so much fun. But this is the thing that kind of sticks with you. So the question is, what am I going to do about this? Well, the first thing is as much as I like shows, I am not going to go anymore until I get my weight under control. I am not going to inconvenience another person like that again. I fel so bad for that guy. He paid good money for that ticket,and I may have been the cause of him not enjoying himself.
It is time to work harder at losing this weight. I do not want to be a pest to anyone anymore. I especially do not want to be a pest to myself anymore. It is time to love me. I am going to work on this harder. That is a promise I have to all of you in cyber land.
Until next time.
Now to get down to business. The reason I am writing is to talk about a thing that happen to me today. I went with my family to go see "Spamalot" today. For those of you, who do not know what that is, it is a musical based upon the movie, "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". It is a fantastic musical. I laughed so hard through out. It is amazing. Sadly, this is not what I want to talk about.
When we got to the theater, my worst nightmare came true. The seats for the theater are small for even normal people. How do I know this? Because the people I was with told me they were. The seats are very low to the ground, and very thin. So getting in the seat was not comfortable for me. My body had to squeeze in to this seat, and sadly it pured out the seats next to me. I was sitting with my friend, and soon to cousin in law Jeremy, and decided to sit in a seat away from him. First it is a guy code thing, and second I figured it would be more comfortable to sit a seat away from him until the person sitting there came. Well people came, but it turns out that we did have a extra seat. But the older couple that sat next to me, I could tell was uncomfortable to sit next to a guy that clearly was taking up part of their chair too. The gentlemen did not complain to me, but he did go up and talk to an usher for a moment. I was sure that he was talking to the usher about me. And you know something I can understand that. Well, once the show started, the gentlemen and his wife switched seats to a pair of seats across the isle from where we were sitting. They sat there the whole show, and no one said anything. Everything is all good right? Not so much.
This obviously got in my head. Gosh, the fact that I was uncomfortable in that seat the whole time kind of kept myself in my head. Now, please know, I had a wonderful day today. The show was amazing, and I had so much fun. But this is the thing that kind of sticks with you. So the question is, what am I going to do about this? Well, the first thing is as much as I like shows, I am not going to go anymore until I get my weight under control. I am not going to inconvenience another person like that again. I fel so bad for that guy. He paid good money for that ticket,and I may have been the cause of him not enjoying himself.
It is time to work harder at losing this weight. I do not want to be a pest to anyone anymore. I especially do not want to be a pest to myself anymore. It is time to love me. I am going to work on this harder. That is a promise I have to all of you in cyber land.
Until next time.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Random Thoughts and Other Stuff
I had every intention to come out here in Blog Land and tell you my current updates on what I have learned over the past couple of days. But, I am currently house sitting for a dear friend, and I completely forgot all my paperwork. So deal pals of mine, I will have to get back with you on my latest update. So instead tonights blog, you will get some of my random thoughts.
- The amazing TV show LOST is back starting tomorrow. In this cultrual waste land that is know as the writer's strike, it will be nice to have a first rate TV show back.
- And speaking of the strike. I am very much tired of the strike right now. I know that the writers are doing what they feel is right and fair to get what they feel they deserve, but why does the fan always have to suffer? We as fans deserve better. we help pay their bills. For once I wish that large organizations would take in to the thought the people that actually give them the money to do what they love. It would be interesting to see what happens.
- John McCain won the republican primary here yesterday. I do not nomally do political stuff on here because that can do nothing but get people mad at you, but I was really impressed with his very gracious acceptance speech. He was kind, and considerate, and had a really genuine speech.
- In a recent issue of Amazing Spider-Man, they basically just hit the reset button, and erased about 20 years of stories. This thing really stinks...and is making me decide if I am going to actually continue to read what was my favorite comic of all time.
- Casting Crown's newest CD, "The Altar and the Door" is an amazing album. "What this World Needs", and "East to West" are amazing songs. You really need to take a listen to this album when you a chance.
- Weight wise...today was a good day. I ate well, felt pretty good, and came to my home happy. It is a nice feeling.
- Last week in trivia, team 3's a Crowd got second place. So in 2 weeks, we have got a third place, and a 2nd place. We are shooting for gold this week!
- SuperBowl is this Sunday. Looking forward to the game, and hopefully the commercials are good too. I will be rooting for the Giants, because Tom Coughlin is coaching, and he use to coach the Jags. Tom also does a lot of charity work around Jacksonville. This is a good guy, and I am really happy that he is getting this shot. However, I think the Patriots will win this thing big 45-24.
Ok, that is it for now. I will be writing again very soon. Until then, I wanted to take the time to say thank you to all of you who are writing comments. I do appreciate each one of you who support me to say that you are reading this with your precious time that you have. I hope you enjoy this little bit of time inside my head.
Until next time...I am your eternal bud!
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