Thoughts are Screaming in My Head

Have you ever had so many thoughts running through your head that you can't get any of them out? Almost like a funnel that has too much in it, and everything gets stuck instead of pour out. Well that is how I am feeling right now. My head actually feels full. I am going to try to get some of it out right now.

• My friend Karisse's blog has been putting a lot of those thoughts in my head. Karisse has a heart for the world, and she does an amazing job in her blog talking about it. She is talking about Human Traffiking (hope I spelled that right) on her blog now, and I hope everyone who can read Karisse's blog does. It kind of shows how naive I am of the world as a whole right now. I have heard some things about Human Traffiking, but not to the extent that she is working with in her life right now. Karisse also has many resources that are on her site that you can go to if you have more questions, or want to help. Karisse, if you read this, and you are good with it, can you please post your blog site in the comment section of my blog? I am still not sure how I am going to help...but it is something that I feel like I need to do something.
• Tomorrow is my Godson Jacob, and his brother (my pal) Connor's joint birthday party. Now will this party be insane? Yes it will. It will be a dozen or more kids running around a controlled area, and basically acting like kids. I need to get my sleep tonight. But it will be fun. The smiles make it completely worth it. Giraffes, and hulu hoops, and Mickey Mouse oh my!
• My nephews have been in my thoughts a lot lately. I wonder if have spent enough time with them. I wonder if I have made an impact on their lives. I know I am selfish...I want to say something here, but it might hurt my family...so I think I am going to leave something unsaid.
• I think about my life and where I am right now. I think about my age, my marital status, my legacy. I do not think I have much of a legacy right now. I want to change that.
• I think about my weigh in tomorrow. And a little bit of fear creeps in. I think of the possibility of gaining weight. Of disappointing myself...of disappointing my friends. My hear grows heavy thinking about that.
• I think about after the party tomorrow, and about meeting my Uncle and Aunt to go to the movies. We are potentially seeing 2 movies tomorrow...in one day. Am I crazy? I might be.
• I think about God...I think about how lousy my prayer life is right now. I think about why I cannot stay focused enough to talk to Him in a focused completely heart felt way. I think about not being worthy enough to talk to the creator of the universe...and yet He still wants me to. You know, most actors, singers, or writers that are "famous" you cannot talk to anytime you want to, but the creator of the universe is available 24/7, and I do not take advantage of that enough. Why? Why? Why? Bishop Desmond Tutu once said, "There is nothing you can do to make God love you less. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more." But why do I always, always feel so completely unworthy.
  
• I think about the tobyMac song, "Lose My Soul". "I don't want to gain the whole world to lose my soul." I wonder how much of my soul has been lost to the world. We are to be in this world, not of this world. We are to be aliens in this world. I sometimes wonder if I have become a resident. Father, I hope not.
• Speaking of father's, my Dad sent an email to the family a few days ago to announce that he and his fourth wife Debbie are seperating and that they will probably be divorced soon. I feel bad for him about this one. The other ones, not so much...but this one I do. Dad has been on the straight and narrow on this one...he has tried hard to make it work. It just still fell apart. He seems OK with it. Almost resigned that this one has failed. I feel very bad for him.
  
• My Dad once asked me why I am not married yet...I told him that God gives fathers and sons so many chances at wives, and that he took all mine.
  
• I saw the movie Wall-E...it is amazing...I strongly recommend it to everyone.

Well, I got some of it out of my head...my head still feels full. Sigh.

Your Eternal Bud,

CHRIS

Like the Header?

Thanks to my friend Laura, I have a new banner telling everyone just who this blog belongs to. Like it? I know I do. Hopefully with her help, my blog will look a little different over the course of the next few month.

But thanks LaLa!

More blogs to come...

Chris

Road Blocks

Sorry, it has been SO LONG since I blogged last. I had a bit of a road block...a set back last week, in my quest to take care of myself better. After 7 straight weeks of losing weight, I gained .6 pounds. That is right, not six pounds, but POINT six pound...not even a full pound. Well I stressed. I was afraid to face all of you, and tell you what has happened. To face each of you who have been supporting me, and caring about me, and rooting me on...I hated the fact I even gained an ounce. What was worst was that, I did not deserve that .6 of a pound. I worked out, I ate pretty well...there was not way I should have gained.

Now, if you said the week before that I gained something, I would have believed that. I worked out, but I ate HORRIBLY. I still lost 3 pounds. So needless to say I did not get last week. It really hit hard on me. i only told a handful of people. It really stunk.

I want to say that my depression lasted almost the whole week. It probably lasted until yesterday, my next weigh in day. I ended up losing 3 pounds this week. It was a good three pounds...I felt very pleased with it. But this is a new week, and it is time for hard work to get the next 3 off.

The Day Before

Fridays are a blessing and a curse for me now a days. Fridays mean the end of the week, and the beginning of the weekend which is great...it also means bowling night...which I am really enjoying...but it also means that it is the day before I weigh in.

You would think that weigh in days would be a source of happiness...but to be honest, they really are not. The Friday before, I stress out...I absolutely hate it. I can be having the best week in the world, work out regularly, eating well, and only lost about a half a pound...or lost 4 pounds...or if I had a bad week, eating bad, not working out that much, then it is like the long walk to failure. I know I have screwed up, and now there is nothing I can do about it. So now, i have to wait to see how bad I messed up. And then after a bad weigh in, it is a walk of shame...and all the people I have to tell that I have not lost anything, or that I have gained weight...to see the polite, "well you will do better next week", or just the look on their face that tells me, "oh he messed up...he does not take it seriously...he will never be healthy".

I will say this...I am taking it seriously this time around. I have lost weight the past 6 weeks. I am have signed up with a gym. I am working out on a regular basis now. I do not want to fail again. My goodness, I have failed at this over and over again. I have failed at trying to lose weight and taking care of myself since I was 13 years old. That was the first time I did Weight Watchers (this time with WW is my 7th time)...it did not stick then....and here I am now...praying that it will stick now...praying that I will not mess this up again. Praying that I will make my friends, my family, heck even me, proud one day. This is all that is going on in my head the day before a weigh in. And some of you wonder why I have gray hair.

So, if you ask me if I am excited about my weigh in's...the answer is no...it is all one big bundle of stress to me.

COLDS: I Hate Them!

Yes, it is officially, I have a cold again. For some reason I get about 4 to 5 colds a year. It gets so completely annoying! I have trouble sleeping, my throat always get sore, and I can never breath. It kind of stinks!

So here I sit in my apartment which gets smaller the longer I sit in it, watching TV. I have read every site online that I normally do, I have even did some research on Harry S Truman. Truman is actually a really great president...he had a lot of really tough decisions to make in a very troubling time (WW II, Korea, communism). He made it through his time as president with a lot of grace, and humor. I must read a biography on him. But I digress...

My sister today told me that the boys have been sick...so that is probably where I got it. Sigh! These kids in my life...always making me sick. Oh yes, and my AC is leaking, and water is getting every where. But I just cleaned it up...Yuck...have to blow my nose.

Now, i know what you are thinking...this is a RANDOM blog to end all random blogs. I am beginning to think that too. Let me reel this in, and have a purpose to this blog.

The other odd part about being sick, is that you are always tired. You sleep a lot, but even after you wake up you are still tired.

Well, I am waiting on a phone call, so I am going to let you guys go...so sorry, no purpose to this blog.

Your Eternal Bud...

Updates

It has been an interesting couple of weeks for me. Lots of stuff to discuss, lots of things to mention...not sure why I have not written about it yet, but here we go.

Last week, I was able to spend part of my weekend in Orlando. I got to spend a little bit of time with my friends Melissa and Andy. That was a lot of fun. Saw Prince Caspian (awesome if you want to know) They are two very giving people. They opened up their doors for me so that I can be in Orlando for one of my best bud's graduation from seminary. On last Saturday, I went to a beautiful church service, and a gradution happened. That was what it was like...it was very cool. I was honored to be asked by Eric and his family to attend the graduation. He marched across the stage, and did not trip or anything. We then went out to a nice dinner in Eric's honor, and I was on my way home due to the next big thing...but before I go in to that, congrats to Eric...so proud of you man! And BIG thank you to Melissa and Andy for giving me a place to stay so that I can go to the graduation. You guys are awesome.

I went home on Saturday night, so that I can go to the St. George's Youth Sunday on Sunday. The reason I HAD to be there was due to three very special people who were a part of a ceremony for their impending graduation. I was very proud to hear 2 of them speak during the ceremony. One of them, said the most amazing thing that has been floating in my head for a solid week. She said, "It does not matter how you get there, or when you get there, just that you get there". There will be more to come in another blog about that statement...there is just way too much to talk about with that one statement alone. The Youth Sunday service was fantastic...I enjoyed it, and came out of it very happy and proud of my kids.

So then I go to the middle part of this past week. I decided that I need to take this taking care of myself to another lever. I have been steadily losing weight, and changing my eating habits, so I needed to take the next step. I signed up with a gym on Monday. I then proceeded to work out on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday of this week. I will be honest with you, I hate it. I cannot stand working out the way I am. But you know something, I need to do it. I HAVE to do this. It hurts ALL over...it is painful, AND it is not fun! On the treadmill about 15 minutes in the 30 minutes that I am on it, I start to want to jump off, and do anything else. But, so far I have not done it. Now mind you I had to pass up on something very fun today, because I was so very exhausted, and my legs are feeling very tired. But when I get healthier, this will all be worth it. I hope the friend I had to pass up today understands. I hope to one day be able to make up all the missed opportunities that I have to turned down with all of you. One day, I hope my weight will never be an issue when it comes to doing stuff with the people I love.

So, I weighed in yesterday and lost another 5 pounds. I am up to 22.8 pounds lost...and I have had 6 weeks now of not gaining any of the weight back, and not drinking one caloric beverage. (You know I figured out at one point in time I was probably drinking almost to over 2,000 calories in caloric beverages-drinks with calories in it- a day! YIKES). So this is stuff I am pretty proud of myself so far. Go me.

So this is where I am at now...will continue to try to blog more soon. Maybe there is somebody out there reading this.

Until then...I am your Eternal Bud!

Imagine This...

**Warning...this blog may be a waste of your time...but it may make you think or day dream.**

I think everyone who reads my blog knows that I am a big comic book dork. I think it is safe to say that, without anyone being shocked out of their socks. Well, last night I am reading a comic book, and thinking to myself, how cool would it be to be able to fly.

I close my eyes, and try to picture it. To be able to move gracefully (something, I have never been able to do), and go through the clouds. To be able to sore, and fly with the bird, would be incredible. Can you imagine flying up 3000 feet, and looking down to see how quiet the world would look. To be able to feel the sun on your face from a closer place? How amazing would it be to do something that no one else would be able to do? There would be such a peace about it.

Would flying be like swimming? Would it be like walking? I would love to just float, and just be able to just be. To have the 360 degree motion? To be able to go anywhere that I want to go...oh that would just be amazing to me.

I know this blog does not have much sense to it...but that is just what was floating in my head.

What super power would you like to have?