Scripted Versus Reality

Disclaimer: This is not intended to offend any of the millions of viewers of reality shows out there. This is my humble opinion. Write your opinion, I will read it.

My friend Jonathan and I were eating lunch yesterday, and we were having a discussion about football, wrestling, and then my dislike for all thing reality shows on TV. Jonathan is a big fan of reality shows. He and his awesome wife watch them all the time and get a lot of laughs and enjoyment from them. As for me, when I watch them I feel angry and at times dumber. For the life of me I will never understand most reality shows.

Now to be honest, I do watch three shows that are considered reality shows. Those shows are, American Restoration (a show that highlights items that have been beaten up by time and how they are restored), Counting Cars (a show that highlights restored cars), and one of the original reality shows, Survivor. Now Survivor I see more of a contest show. When I watch Survivor, I actually fast forward through most of each show to watch the challenges and then to see who gets booted. Each show is marketed as a reality show, but to me they have a different spin to each of them that allows me to take that reality show warning going on in the back of my head and silence it as I watch.

My problem with a lot of reality shows out there is that they seem to deal in meanness, anger, and trying to destroy a person’s soul. There are shows where a person’s only job is to make them shine over everyone else in the show and by doing so, they intentionally harm the person mentally. There are other shows where people’s fame is celebrated, which can be fine. But my question is, what are you doing with your lives? Being famous to be famous, is that a way you want to live your life? Then there are shows where people have their lives shown on TV and wacky things just happen to them. How dumb does the show’s producer think we are? We know everything is staged. In most reality shows there is nothing real about them.

Now this is what I enjoy watching, scripted shows. I LOVE scripted TV shows. I truly believe that when TV is done right it can raise the human condition and show how amazing this life that God gave us can be. Comedies when done right can be laugh out loud funny and help bring genuine joy in to our lives. Dramas when done right can be thought provoking and entertaining. I am proud to say that my favorite show is The West Wing. That show had comedy and drama, and was also thought provoking and inspiring. It is a show I will watch over and over again and get a new feeling from it every time I watch it. I doubt a reality show could ever do that for me.

 Now, I am not saying people should stop watching reality shows. Far from it…if the show makes you take a few minutes away from a tough day or situation, then it did its job. What I am asking is that you think about what you watch. Do you want something that will shows people tearing people down? Showing people behaving dumb, when in actuality the person is quite intelligent and is trying to bring attention to them? Show a person that is on TV that is not there to entertain, but to continue to grow their celebrity and their bank? Television is a powerful medium. I believe the channels out there have a responsibility to continue to create powerful shows. But we as viewers have the power to just shut off the nonsense. And things that tear people down are the biggest pieces of nonsense out there.

Your Eternal Bud,
Chris

Even in Florida it is Cold When You Sleep Outside

I play trivia at a local restaurant every Saturday with a buddy. Trivia has always been something fun for me. I have always known bits and pieces of random trivia, and Saturday nights are a night I can show my bits of knowledge. 

When leaving trivia tonight a gentleman came up to my friend and me and asked for some money so that he could get something to eat. My friend and I told him the truth; we did not have any cash on us and that we were sorry. The gentlemen went on to ask the next person that came out, and we went on our way.

I didn’t think much about it until an hour later, I was walking to my car from the store next to the restaurant. I saw the man that asked me for money sleeping on a bench outside the store. He was not bothering anyone, but there he was trying to get comfortable. I stood there for a moment. Should I wake him and see if he got food? Is he going to be warm enough? Plus he was settling down to sleep. Do I disturb him? I just did not know what to do.

I will be honest, I do not usually give money to people asking for it. I really wish I could feel comfortable giving that money to them, but I am usually apprehensive for a few reasons. First, I gave a guy money once and I saw him buy alcohol with it and not food. Defeated the purpose of giving him the money completely. Second, I have seen so many news pieces on con artists that ask for money claiming they need it, but in actuality are doing very well. I usually help out at food banks or give money to charities to get the money in the right places.

So two thoughts. First, I almost never carry cash on me now. Debit cards are the norm for me. When cash is needed, there is usually an errand to be run to go get some. Maybe I should think about carrying some with me for special circumstances. Second, when did I get so jaded on helping another human being out? I hate doubting another person’s motives. That is not what Christ did. Christ jumped in and helped as best He could and as much as He could. It is moments like tonight that remind me for someone who is supposed to be Christ like; I am so far from it. I just frustrate me.

So what did I do tonight? Well I decided that I did not want to disturb him. I just hope that food did get to him. What I did do, was put a blanket and an old pillow I had in my car and put it on the bench next to him (not disturbing him) and left. Hoping he could come to a better use for both those things than me who just uses it for the occasional comfort. It is going to be a cold night tonight in Jacksonville, Florida. I really hope he can get some use with them. 

God take care of this unknown man. Keep him warm. Keep him fed.

Sincerely,

Chris

Writing a Eulogy is Hard to Do

I was listening to my local Christian radio station today called The Promise when a man with a baritone voice came on and was talking about eulogies. But this was a little different. The wife of his friend asked him to write a eulogy for her husband. Here is the kicker, her husband was still alive and well. She told the speaker, that we all have some nice things said about us when we die, why not tell us those things when we are alive? The speaker then talked about the great pride he took in writing this eulogy for his friend. He didn’t hold anything back, letting him know how much he loved and respected this friend. As I heard this, I got the biggest smile on my face. I loved hearing this and thought what can I do to do the same thing?

If I had to have my greatest wish answered, it would be that I would live my life like a eulogy to everyone I know. Not a sharp word to anyone, not an unkind message said. Just want to give pure love and devotion to all my friends and family. To lift up, not tear down. Some of the hardest times in my life have been when I went to bruise (event if it was gently) and hurt someone I care about. The only few times I have not slept properly is when I have not set things straight with someone I love. I wish I could say that every word that has come out of mouth was in love, but I cannot.

If I could write a eulogy to all of you here is what it would say:

“Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for the love you have given me. Thank you for showing compassion when you did not have to. Thank you for forgiving me when I have hurt you. 

You mean the world to me. I cannot tell you how much I appreciated that talk, or that sit down that we did just to hang out. Please do not discount the importance you have in my life. I would not be the man I am without you.

Thank you for being you.”

Now I am sure I would make it more personal, but this statement really holds true for all the friends I know and are a part of my life. You all are very dear to me. I do not say that enough, but I will do my best to try to say it more to all of you. God has given me that assignment on this Earth. To let everyone know they are special because you were created by God.

And talking about God, I wish I could say I always talked about Him in the best manner. I wish I could say that I have always spoken to Him with respect and dignity. I cannot do that either. There has been more than one occasion where He and I have had words. Well my words, He listened to me. He knows I do not trust Him all the time. I really wish I could say I did. I usually think I know what is best for me, and it ends up like peeing in the wind, it always comes back on me. 

So God, thank you for all you do for me. Thank you for never leaving my side. Thank you for always forgiving me no matter how many times I have hurt you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for your Son. 

I am going to work harder about telling the people in my life how much they mean to me. Is there someone in your life that needs to hear it from you while they are still on this Earth?

Your Eternal Bud,

Chris

Back In A New Blog State of Mind

I have been writing for Francesca and her blog Plain Vanilla Fitness for almost three months now. It has been an amazing experience to write about my struggles and celebrations of working on taking care of myself better. I have enjoyed the process very much and it has also shown me something else just as important. I like to write.

Now before I begin, I fully acknowledge I am not a skilled writer. I know I have a conversational way of writing and that is sometimes good and sometimes bad. But it is the only way I know how to write, and I need to accept that. But as I have been writing the other blog, I remembered that I did have a blog of my own call Eternal Bud’s Eternal Blog. I checked to see if it was still there, and sure enough it was. And the last time I posted an entry was 2009? Holy cow!! 2009 was my last post? Wow, talk about not keeping up.

Well it is time to dust my old blog spot off. If you read some of the older entries you will see that I love quoting songs and talking about things going on in my life. That is what I envision Blog 2.0 to be as well. I will talk about all things Pop Culture and events that intrigue me. I will also use this forum to talk about the things that mean the world to me, like people realizing their full potential and knowing that God made them special, so that means you are special. Period. End of story.

So my thoughts on my journey to taking care of myself will continue every Tuesday on Plain Vanilla. Please continue to check out that blog to see amazing fitness stories and easy exercises you can do anywhere. Francesca does an amazing job with that blog, and it is an honor to write there for her. But every few days or so I will post some thoughts serious and not serious on this blog here. I am excited to span further than just my fitness journey. It will be exciting to share this with the world and see what happens.

Please leave comments on how I can improve, or if you are enjoying what you are seeing. Just know I will work hard to make this the best blog I can possibly have.

So until next time, I am your Eternal Bud,

Chris

All is Fair in Love and End of the Year Lists!

I listen to a fair amount of music. Music has been in my blood for as long as I can remember. I can remember on Friday nights, my Dad putting on records (yes records), and listening to Jimmy Buffett, Jackson Browne, The Rolling Stones, The Bellamy Brothers, and even sometimes Peter, Paul, and Mary. Now, while I feel my taste has been refined a bit in later years, the music, and the art of it still remains. The feeling of emotions when certain songs come up, still are felt to this day, and music is an instant time traveling device that will take me back to any moment of my life. Below is the list of the top 20 songs for number of plays on my iPod for 2008. Some comments have been made for your entertainment, and for my prosperity.

1.“Alive” by Superchick. No album hit me upside the head this year like “Rock What You Got”. Fantastic album…hard written lyrics matched up with perfect rock and roll. Much more a rock and roll album than their last one, it makes you dance and feel good while making you think.

2. “Radio” by Big and Rich. Several years ago, Big and Rich surprised me with their brand of country music, and it is a different brand of country, but I am so glad I became a fan. This song is so much fun to drive to, and is just a good carefree song to enjoy while you are going somewhere. I once clocked myself at 80 MPH wile driving to this song.

3.”September” by Kirk Franklin. A remake of the Earth, Wind, and Fire classic. Kirk does a good job making “Spetember” his own song, while paying homage to a 70’s staple. But Kirk Franklin, can pretty much do whatever he wants. He is a gifted musician, that truly uses what God gave him.

4.”Buffy the Vampire Slayer Theme” by Nerf Herder. Only about a minute long, but takes me back to a very fun series. And the band is named Nerf Herder…of course I am going to listen to this song a lot.

5.”Life is a Song” by Patrick Park. I first heard this song on the very last episode of the TV show, “The O.C.” The song caught me with its amazing lyrics, and very gifted guitar playing. It makes you think how did this song make “The O.C.” final show…but when you hear the song, you will understand why.

6.”Should Have Said No” by Taylor Swift. My friend Lauren told me about this singer a couple of years ago, but I did not listen. Then I saw this young woman (she is only 18) go on the CMA awards, and sing this song. She started off rough, missing a few notes…clearly nervous of whom she was playing in front of. But a curious thing happened about a fourth of the way in to the song. She got back on track. She then proceeded to sing the doors off the dump, and completely stole the show. The ending to the song is stuff of legends and I believe you can still find the performance on Youtube. I went out the next day, and bought her album. So glad I did.

7.”Thirteen” by Big Star. Heard this song on my favorite episode of season three of the TV show “How I Met Your Mother”. In “Ten Sessions”, Ted, who is every trying to find “the one” takes out the lovely Stella (played by the amazing Sarah Chalke) on a 2 minute date. A classic scene had this song playing in the background. I actually had the song on another CD, and never really listen to it. Wish I did sooner, because it is a fantastic song, and fit perfectly for this scene.

8.”More Than A Feeling” by Boston. I use to pick on this song. A lot. But then a funny thing happened: it played a big part on one of my favorite episodes of the TV show Scrubs. I have been playing it a lot ever since…I play air singer. Kel please play lead air guitar. Whose got air drums?

9.”Red Dirt Road” by Brooks and Dunn. Not sure why I like this song as much as I do. Maybe because it takes me back to the kind of songs I use to listen to on those Friday nights all those years ago. Or it might be just because it is a good sing along song.

10.”Times Like These” (Acoustic) by Foo Fighters. Funny, how an acoustic guitar can change a song completely. The original song is a good enough song…but when Dave and the boys play it live and stripped down, you kind of wonder why the song was never recorded like this from the very beginning.

11.”Brand New Day” sung by Neil Patrick Harris. This song is part of the internet sensation, “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog” that was created by Joss Whedon. Not sure how else to explain it…but Neil has a really good voice. Doogie! Swarley!

12.”Africa” by Toto. Another one of those songs I remember listening to as a kid. And listening to it now, just takes me back to another simpler time. Plus, it is another Scrubs song.

13.”Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie. It is amazing how many TV shows have played this song. “Scrubs”. “Studio 60”, and “Chuck” just to name a few. But this song really holds up through out the years. And anyone that listens to this song and thinks, “Ice, Ice, Baby” needs to be take to the woodshed!

14.”Independence Day” by Whiteheart. Long time ago, there was such a thing called White Metal. This was Christian music’s version of hair bands. I came across this song when adding songs to my iPod, and forgot how much I liked it. And I must have really played it a lot for it to make the number fourteen spot.

15.”Hey Julie” by Fountains of Wayne. Another Scrubs song. And it is played in the same episode as “More Than A Feeling”. Just a fun pop song. It is very infectious, and within a play or two, you will be singing along.

16.”Viva La Vida” by Coldplay. Wow…does Coldplay make a bad song? The answer, no. Just a fun, potentially loud song. Well played, well sung…well everything.

17.”Fix You” by Coldplay. This song is amazing. You can actually see this story played out in your own head when Chris Martin is singing the lyrics. I first heard this song in NYC with my Youth during our Pilgrimage. Because of that, and the weight of the song, makes me appreciate what music can do to show how a person is feeling.

18.”Delirious Love” by Neil Diamond. This is one of Neil’s lesser known hits. Again, I got this from an episode of Scrubs. But when you hear Neil singing about the kind of love that is new, and you cannot help but just enjoy it. This song kind of makes you wish that those new feelings of love will last forever. If you are lucky, it will.

19.”Stand Up” by Fireflight. Up until 2 years ago, I had never heard of Fireflight. My sister in Christ Melissa, told me about them, and loaned me their first album. And then this year, what comes out on my birthday, but Fireflight’s new album. This album is a close second to Superchick’s album for Album of the Year. This song is instant caffeine. Plus it makes you think, and appreciate all that God has given you.

20.”Aggressive Expansion” by Hans Zimmer and James Howard. What do you get when two of the biggest movie composers create music together? “The Dark Knight Soundtrack”. What an amazing piece of work the two created. And then you get this piece that is place in a very critical time in the movie. (Pencil anyone?) It is loud, it is fierce, and might be some of the finest music made for a movie ever created.

So, this is my most played list for 2008. I hope you have enjoyed reading this list as much as I enjoyed commenting about it.

Until next time, I am your Eternal Bud.

A Baby That Was Born to Die

I Celebrate the Day- Relient K

"And with this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've
touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New
Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency
We're less than half as close as I want to be

And the first time
That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did
That you were born so I might live
To look back and think that
This baby would one day save me

And I, I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life"

I heard this song the other day and it hit me over the head. We know so much about the beginning and the end of Jesus' life. In the Gospels it talks about the very first part of when Jesus is born, and even a little in to His childhood...and of course they talk about what made the Son of God SO extraordinary, the way He died. Jesus, the son of a carpenter was also born the Son of God...and God had a specific purpose in Jesus' life...to be strong enough to die for us.

I never really thought about it that way. Jesus was born, so that he could die...for all of us. This little baby was born, so that He could die for all the dumb things that I do in my life. For all the things that I concentrate on more than Him...and yet He was born, so that He could die for me. I do not deserve it...but He still did it. He still suffered, and He still bled, and He still died for me. He died for a fool...just so that I can love Him. He wanted a fool's love...mine!

Now, I know that I am being redundant...but it stands to be repeated over and over again. It stands to be said from the highest roof tops, and the darkest streets. It stands to said to the sad person, that is wondering what they are going to do with their lives. It stands to be said to the person whose life is going just great. It deserves to be said to man, woman, girls, and boys. It stands to be said to everyone on this silly planet that we live on. Jesus was born 2000 years ago, so that He could die for us.

I am going to think about this, when I am in traffic for the next few days. When I go to pick up the last of what will be trivial gifts for people that will forget about them a few months later...I will think about this when i talk to my co-workers over the course of the next few days. And I will think of this, when I go to my dear friend's church on Christmas Eve, and hear him talk about this sweet little boy who was born a common little baby, and was raised, and died as the greatest man to walk on the planet.

Jesus was born so that He could die for me. Everything else is meaningless.

The Lord has risen, the Lord has risen indeed. Hallelujah. But He was also born. And it is time to celebrate that birth. Happy Birthday Jesus. I wish I got you a gift as great as the one you gave me.

Your Eternal Bud.

The Fear of a 2 and a 3 Year Old

I love my nephews...I really do. They are two of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. Their laugh completely makes my day. When they sleep, the whole world can stop for all I care. When I see them play, it just makes me laugh. I am completely in awe of them.

Tomorrow is my cousin's bridal shower, and my Mom and sister are going. I was asked to take care of my nephews. I have not spent any kind of time with them in a while, so I said yes. The thing is, I have never actually taken care of them by myself. I have always had another person with me every time I spent time with them. I must say that I am very nervous about this.

I do not want to screw this up. I do not want to see them have once ounce of pain or hurt. I so do not want to cause that pain or hurt. Mind you, I am only taking care of them for like 4 hours...but I am still anxious about it.

I have been told that I do really good with them...I hope that is true. I guess I will find out tomorrow. More news to follow my friends.

Until then, I am Your Eternal Bud.

Happy Veteran's Day

"Citizen Soldier" by 3 Doors Down

"Beyond the boundaries of your city's lights,
Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.
So many times you did not bring this on yourself,
When that moment finally comes,
I'll be there to help.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here.
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we

guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

When there are people crying in the streets,
When they're starving for a meal to eat,
When they simply need a place to make their beds,
Right here underneath my wing,
You can rest your head.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here!
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there...

There... there... there...

Hope and pray that you'll never need me,
But rest assured I will not let you down.
I'll walk beside you but you may not see me,
The strongest among you may not wear a crown.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here!
On that day when you don't have the strength for the burden you bear,
I'll be right here!
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
(Citizen soldiers)
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there."

God bless everyone who puts themselves in harms way so that we can have our freedoms, and be stupid when we want to be.

Your Eternal Bud

Bonus Blog: Election Burnout

Eight years ago, I was in my first grown up apartment with two of my favorite people in the world...James and Eric. We were watching the 2008 election coverage of George W Bush and Al Gore. The three of us stayed up until I think four in the morning waiting and watching as the election unfolded in front of us. It had more drama and suspense than any drama on TV or movie we could have watched. Did W win Florida? What is Gore going to do? CBS called the election too soon. We hooted and hollared and booed at every single moment. And then after a LONG night, it was over with.

Now it is eight years later...and both my roommates are now Pastors...they are both married, and each have a child Bryce and Logan. And here is another election. And the three of us are in three different places in our lives. It is kind of cool and sad at the same time. I miss rooming with those guys. It was one of the best years of my life. But I will have those memories. A lot of great memories...and especially of that one election night.

Sadly, the only memories I will have of this election is a lot of bitter feelings, and divided friends. Oh, to remember eight years ago.

Until tomorrow....

Your Eternal Bud.

The Change Decision Part 1 of 3

"The Change" by Steven Curtis Chapman
"Well I got myself a t shirt that says what I believe
I got letters on my bracelet to serve as my id
I got the necklace and the key chain
And almost everything a good christian needs yeah
I got the little Bible magnets on my refrigerator door
And a welcome mat to bless you before you walk across my floor
I got a jesus bumper sticker
And the outline of a fish stuck on my car
And even though this stuffs all well and good yeah
I cannot help but ask myself

What about the change
What about the difference
What about the grace
What about forgiveness
What about a life thats showing
Im undergoing the change yeah
Im undergoing the change

Well Ive got this way of thinking that comes so naturally
Where I believe the whole world is revolving around me
And I got this way of living that I have to die to every single day
cause if gods spirit lives inside of me yeah
Im gonna live life differently

Im gonna have the change
Im gonna have the difference
Im gonna have the grace
Im gonna have forgiveness
Im gonna live a life thats showing
Im undergoing the change"

Over the course of the next three blog sessions, I am going to talk about the three changes that I am going to make mind, body, and soul. This first session, I am going to talk about body...especially since that is what a majority of the blog has been about.

My name is Chris and I am a compulsive overeater. That is how I would start off my part in talking anytime I would speak up in OA. Well, I am going to use this platform right now to discuss my eating plans. My primary "drug" of choice comes in a paper bag, and can come at any corner of any city in the US. My drug is fried in peanut oil, or vegatable oil...or just oil. It can be a potato, or chicken, or even something healthy like corn. My drug is fried food.

Fried foods are yummy...I think we all will admit that. Fried foods also can lead to cornary heart disease. According to "The Source" magazine, some 12.5 million americans suffer from Coronary heart disease. Now the article I read does not say how many are led to that by fried foods, but that cannot help.

For me fried foods have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I think french fries hav always been one of my favorite foods to eat. I love fried chicken, and wings, and potato chips, and corn nuggets, and all that stuff. It is on my plate almost on a daily basis. I am ashamed to admit that. But it is true. I have never been more serious in my life.

Well, my first change will be as of November 1st, I am elimnating fried foods from my day to day diet. If it is placed in a fryer, and cooked, I will do my best to resist the urge not to eat it. I have to do this for God, for the ministry that He has put in front of me. I have to do it for my nephews and God sons. I have to do this for my future wife...and I pray I may still be blessed to have one. I also have to do this for me. It is time to start treating my body like a temple, and not like a tent.

No matter what this will be an interesting experiment. Don't you agree?

I do need one thing from all of y'all out there. I need your prayers in this. I need you to pray for me to run as far away from this temptation as I possibly can. This is going to be one of the hardest things in the world for me to do. I promise...to some of y'all, I am sure you are going to be like...that should be easy...but I promise you, it will not be. Think about it like this...take away something very important to you (not your kids), and try not to do it for a week...that is what this is like. It will be tough, but with God's strength, I will top this. So pray for me my friends.

In a week, we will talk about my next change. Give me your comments, on what you think so far. Well wishes, would be awesome too!

Have a blessed week.

Your Eternal Bud.

"Praise You in This Storm"
words by Mark Hall

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
'I'm with you'
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
'I'm with you'
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth "

My friend Kerry reminded me of this song the other day. We were talking about theme songs for our lives. I use to do that a lot. Depending on how my life was going for a day, a week, month, or year, I had a song that kind of described how my life was treating me.

There was a period of time in my life where REM's "It's the End of the World, As We Know it", really seemed to hit close to home. Basically that the world around me was just falling apart, but I had to keep up the appearance that everything was fine.

The song above kind of comes in and out of my life as my theme. Again, just when it feels like the whole world is coming apart...at the seams, like crashing in on me...it is God who is there to lift me up, and take me away from the mess that I have put myself in. And the one thing I can do is praise Him all the more. Praise Him for the pain, but also praise Him for taking me away from the pain.

Another song that kind of hit home for me is a song by Dire Straits called "Brothers in Arms". Just talks about that no matter what you go through, you will have your friends to have your back. I first heard the song during an old West Wing episode. And even now when I hear it, takes me back to when I saw the episode for the first time.

Next two bands that mean a lot to me as I was going through college was Third Day and the OC Supertones. Both bands first albums came out around my first year at Flagler. It is amazing, because even now when I hear "Nothing at All" or "Adonai" it takes me back to driving my Toyota Tercel hatchback, that was constantly falling apart on me.

It is amazing the power of music. Music can lift your mood, it make you smile, cry, and sing out loud. Music makes my day.

This post is a little all over the place...but I would love to see your comments about some of your favorite songs...

And thanks for the comments from last week's post. I have not made the decision on what to change yet...but you will see here when I make the decision.

Until nest time, I am your Eternal Bud.

Ch-ch-changes

"Fix You"- by Coldplay
"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
'Just what your worth'

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you."

In church this week my friend Eric (who also is the Pastor of the church) preached about God giving us what we need when we give up what we think we need. His sermon has been running in my head ever since.

What is it in my life that I need to give up in order for God to give me what I need? I think about it this way...in order to heal, I have to cleanse the wound. The wounds in my life are very dirty from the things that I have done. As I continue to think about it, it is time to do some spring cleaning in my life. I want to change somethings in my life in order to help everything kind of come together. It is hard to explain, but it seems lately that I have been in a bit of a rut. And I think that a way out of that rut is to change one thing. With that one thing changed, I think that things will snowball and everything will come out changed.

The problem that I have is, that I am not sure what to change. Maybe I should rearrange my apartment (or clean it for that matter). Maybe change the way I spend my week? I am just not sure.

I am not sure how many people read this blog...but I do appreciate all of you who do. I could use your help. Can you faithful reader, help me by giving me advise on what I can change in my life. Has there been something that you have changed in your life, that you recommend? Please post a comment, and help a brother out.

Also, I am making a commitment to myself, and all of you that read this, that every Tuesday I will post a blog. If something inspires me, I will post more...but every Tuesday, I will at least post something new. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it for you.

Until next Tuesday...

Your Eternal Bud.

Under Construction

"Loser" by 3 Doors Down
"Breathe in right away.
Nothing seems to fill this place.
I need this everytime
So take your lies, get off my case.
Someday I will find
A love that flows through me like this
This will fall away, this will fall away.

You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
'Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser, yeah.

This is getting old.
I can't break these chains that I hold
My body's growing cold
There's nothing left of this mind or my soul.
Addiction needs a pacifier, the buzz of this poison is taking me higher.
This will fall away, this will fall away.

You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge.
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead.
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
'Cause I'm a loser
I'm a loser!

You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge.
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead.
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall.
'Cause I'm a loser

You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead.
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall.
'Cause I'm a loser."

I just passed my 40 pound mark in losing weight. I am 1.2 pounds away from hitting my 10 percent of my original weight goal. I am struggling to stay motivated.

Around this point every time I have tried to lose weight, it is around this time that I walk away. I am not sure why that is. You would think that I would be getting pumped up about this. You would think I would be happy with the results. And for the most part I am. But their is an anxious streak that keeps coming up in me. And I am now wondering if I can do this. Can I see this to the finish? At this time, I am not sure.

I am getting tired of not seeing this through. I am tired of the fact that I am 34 years old, and I still struggle with my weight. I am tired of not having all the things that taking care of myself will hold. It is I that is denying myself of being married, of having children, of being loved. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I weighed in the 200-250 area (which is still considered heavy) that I can have each of those things. Why do I know this? Because I have everyone and their brother tell me that I am a good guy. That I am easy to talk to...that I am a good friend. Heck, I even know how to show with a member of the opposite sex. The only reason I am alone right now, is due to my weight. And yet, I am here struggling to stay motivated to lose weight. What is wrong with me??

I need to find the warrior spirit...I need to fight through this. But I am tired...I am tired.

To be continued...

Your Eternal Bud.

Blog-O-Rama!

"Alive" -Superchick

"Don't bury me I'm not yet dead
Don't bury me I'm not yet dead
Don't bury me I'm not yet dead
Not a walking zombie with no head
Not a stepford wife made to obey
Don't want to go through life that way

I'm alive,
I'm alive,
That's what I say
I'm alive,
I'm alive,
Gonna live that way
I'm alive,
I'm alive,
That's what I say
I'm alive and
I'm gonna live today

Do robots dream of electric sheep?
I need to live my dreams not just in my sleep
I've been held up here but it's time to leave
I need to make my move while I've air to breath
Don't give me drugs
No novocaine
I must be alive 'cause I still feel pain
We were born with wings
We were made to fly
We were meant to live while we're still alive"

More blogs to come...I am alive...that is what I said!

Adventures in Grocery Shopping

Shopping by Barenaked Ladies

"Well you know that it's going to be alright
I think it's gonna be alright
Everything will always be alright
When we go shopping

Well you know that it's going to be alright
When we go shopping
It's always lalalalala...
Shopping spree begin
It's always lalalalala...
Everybody wins

So shutup
And never stop
Let's shop
Until we drop

It's always lalalalala...
Shopping never end
It's always lalalalala...
Shopping with our friends
Shopping once again

It's always lalalalala...

It's never enough
Until you've got all the stuff
When the going gets rough
Just shop with somebody tough

It's always...
When we go shopping"

Grocery shopping is very mundane. I honestly do not like it. I do not think that anyone really likes grocery shopping? If any of you do like grocery shopping, then please say so in the comments.

But I am walking around today at my local grocery store, and I am noticing that it is SWAMPED...more so than usual. Then it occurs to me that we have a potential hurricane coming, so, that makes perfect sense. But I have also noticed something. I believe that I am invisible. People are almost running themselves in me. It is kind of funny, because I am begger than most of them, and yet they are still going out of their way to run in to me.

I also noticed that there are some really pretty girls doing their grocery shopping. Is there such thing as being a hopeless romantic? Can one truly find love in the most random of places? I mean think about it, people find love on the internet. They have never seen the person before, but they have the start the love process through emails, and phone calls. I have a couple really amazing friends that have used the match making sites, and now marriage, kids, the works. So why not the grocery store? Why not the passing glance, and the shy smile. Why not the chance meeting? Why not?

Sadly, today was not my day for why not...so I pressed on. I got my food, and was heading home went to my car, and noticed that someone was waiting for my parking spot. Now the spot was not that great. It was about five or six down. And then I noticed that that there was a spot right across from mine. But the lady kept waiting for mine. And she was blocking traffic. I had to laugh. I think my waiting the 3 minutes it took me to load my grocery in my trunk, get in my car, and then get going, the lady could have parked right across from mine, and went in to the store. She would have been in there that much faster, and only taken a handful of steps more. It really is unbelievable.

So that was my trip to the grocery store. I may be without love still, but I still had a laugh, and unlike millions of others, I have food in my fridge. So a good day non-the-less.

So I am watching some cheesey TV, and getting ready for bed. Big day tomorrow. First day with the college kids at St. George's. I will let you know how it goes.

Until then, I am your eternal bud...

Deep Thoughts...

"Must Have Done Something Right" by Relient K

We should get jerseys cause we make a great team
But yours would look better than mine, cause you're outta my league
And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that everyday
I spend with you is the new best day of my life
Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust
It's Jealously, they can see that we've got it going on

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say
YOu're ok with the way this is going to be
This is going to be thing we've ever seen

If anyone can make me a better person you could
All I gotta say is I musta done something good
I came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I gotta say is I musta done something right
I musta done something right

Maybe I'm just lucky cause it's hard to believe
Believe that somebody like you'd end up with someone like me
And I know that it's so cliche to talk about you this way
But I'll push all my inhibitions aside
It's so very obvious to everyone watching us
That we have got something real good going on.

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say
YOu're ok with the way this is going to be
This is going to be thing we've ever seen."

I am sitting at home tonight, just happy to have gotten through a very hectic week, and I realized I have not put something out on the blog-o-sphere in a while, and so I decided to just sit here and write a bit.

• The name of the blog title is from the column I use to write for the St. George newsletter. Every other month I had to write a column for the church newsletter about a things that were going on in the youth group. Mostly, I just wrote what ever was going on in my head at that time. People said they enjoyed my column, so I guess that was a good thing right? I mention that because this week on Wednesday, I start to work with the college age kids at St. George's. I am pumped up about this. It has been three years since I have last worked with kids. And this time it is with a age group I have never worked before. So, I am hoping that this will be a good thing for me and especially the young adults that come. I will keep you posted on how it goes. Right now, I am just nervous that no one will even show up. We will have to see.
• An interesting thing happened to me on Tuesday. I went to vote (not the interesting thing), and walked in to the voting site. Of course at the table that you sign in at, there was one person in line, and that person happened to be in the same line as I needed to be in. That is SO about right, was the thought that crossed in my head, and I then proceded to wait in line. As I did wait, the lady at the table that was to sign in everyone for the A-D names, look at me, and said, "You've lost a lot of weight since the last time you have been in here." I looked at her, and said, "Yes, I have almost lost35 pounds (I am over 37 now:)". She then proceeded to tell me that she could tell, and to keep it up. I was FLOORED. It was awesome...I have only heard that thought from a hand full of people, and to hear it from a random person like that was great. I finished voting, and went straight to the gym. Had the best workout I ever had.
• My heart is hurting for New Orleans right now. Hurricane Gustav is just churning away, and once again, a massive hurricane is beating down New Orleans like a manical Girl Scout trying to make quota. Now, I know that God does not like nor want suffering...but I am praying that this horrible storm will SLOW way down before it comes back near land. The Big Easy, has not had an easy time since Katrina, and I think this storm could very well be the end of that city. I also pray that everyone gets the heck out of there before it gets bad.
• Yesterday was a story of two friends with cancer. One found out that she did not have breast cancer. I so did the happy dance. I yelled at the top of my lungs when I heard about it at work, and scared the heck out of some random lady that was walking to her car last night. I then later found out yesterday that a very old friend of mine is have an experimental surgery on Tuesday to remove a tumor near their brain. This person is not even scared (or did not seem like it). I was amazed by the courage. Sadly this is the second time my friend is having this surgery. This is where the experimental part comes in. Please put out prayers of thanskgiving for the one with out, and prayers of healing for the one with. Cancer has taken so many people that I love and care about's family and friends. Heck cancer has even tried to take out two people I love...and I so want to beat that disease back!

OK, I am going to be now...I will try my best to be back soon to write more. Until then Go Gators, and I am...

Your Eternal Bud

My Friend Bert

Check this link out:

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/life/community/12whocare/news-article.aspx?storyid=98010&catid=56

Bert is the man!

Thank You!

"Now we say
I said I thank you
I'll always thank you
More than you could know
Than i could ever show
And I love you
I'll always love you
There's nothing i won't do to say these words to you
That you're beautiful forever" -Good Charlotte

As almost all of you know, we had a little storm called Fay occur over the course of the past few days. Fay which is latin for storm that pours WAY too much water over the state of Florida. The winds were pretty crazy too. I saw trees almost sideways, I saw trees down. I saw electric lines down. I had friends send me pics of the flooding that was occuring in their necks of the woods. It was quite incredible the pics that came from my friend Lauren's house (flooded streets and yard), and from my friend Brian in St. Augustine, which was really trying to join the City of Atlantis.

But my time spent with Fay was pretty tame. Besides working though part of it, I did not have any issues with Fay. I was invited by another set of amazing friends Eric, Laura and Bryce to ride out the storm at their place. We did not have any power issues, cable issues, or weather issues. Just a lot of rain, a lot of wind, and some good conversations. I must say that besides being very concerned for some of my friends, that it was the most enjoyable storm I experienced.

So I wanted to take this time to say thank you to Laura, Eric, and Bryce for crashing their house for a few days. That was awfully kind of you. It was a complete blessing to ride out the storm not being alone.

I also wanted to say thank you to a few people who checked in with me to make sure that I was ok through the storm. Lauren, even though your house was underwater (almost) you still called to make sure I was ok. Brian, thanks for checking in with me even though your city was underwater. Big thanks to my little sis Melissa for continually texting me and asking how I am. Thank you to Kerry for the im's, Kim for the email, John for the call, and of course my family.

My prayers are with the ones that are still suffering through this horrible storm. My praise of thanksgivings are for all the dear ones out there that cared enough to be concerned about me the pas few days! THANK YOU!

Your Eternal Bud!

I Heart Kerri Walsh

"When light goes down, I see no reason
For you to cry. we've been through this before
In every time, in every season,
God knows I've tried
So please dont ask for more.

Can't you see it in my eyes
This might be our last goodbye

Carrie, Carrie, things they change my friend
Carrie, Carrie, maybe well meet again

I read your mind, with no intentions
Of being unkind, I wish I could explain
It all takes time, a whole lot of patience
If its a crime, how come I feel no pain." -Europe

OK, I am in love with a six foot 3 inch women whom I have never met. But let me profess my love. I love her spike, I love how she sets, and I love how she blocks the volleyball back in to her opponents face. You see Kerri Walsh is a beach volleyball player, that makes it look WAY too easy. With her partner Misty May-Trainor, they basically are spending the next two weeks kicking the world around. Kerri and Misty are the best beach volleyball players in the world. The play so well as a team, and are just amazing. They know each others moves, and play almost as one. It is incredible!

Yes, Kerri is blond haired, and blue eyes, and has legs that go on forever (she is also married), but that is not why I heart Kerri Walsh. I mean those are good ideas, but the reason I love Kerri is due to how she plays the game. You see I attempt to play beach volleyball. At least that is what I thought I did. But seeing Kerri and Misty make the game I struggle at look, well easy. It is unreal. And Kerri does everything well. She can block like a wall. She can hit like a hammer, and she sets so beautifully that it just makes me be in awe.

I attempt Beach Volleyball...Kerri Walsh plays Beach Volleyball...and I heart her game so much!

The Olympics so kick butt!

Your Eternal Bud!