The Change Decision Part 1 of 3

"The Change" by Steven Curtis Chapman
"Well I got myself a t shirt that says what I believe
I got letters on my bracelet to serve as my id
I got the necklace and the key chain
And almost everything a good christian needs yeah
I got the little Bible magnets on my refrigerator door
And a welcome mat to bless you before you walk across my floor
I got a jesus bumper sticker
And the outline of a fish stuck on my car
And even though this stuffs all well and good yeah
I cannot help but ask myself

What about the change
What about the difference
What about the grace
What about forgiveness
What about a life thats showing
Im undergoing the change yeah
Im undergoing the change

Well Ive got this way of thinking that comes so naturally
Where I believe the whole world is revolving around me
And I got this way of living that I have to die to every single day
cause if gods spirit lives inside of me yeah
Im gonna live life differently

Im gonna have the change
Im gonna have the difference
Im gonna have the grace
Im gonna have forgiveness
Im gonna live a life thats showing
Im undergoing the change"

Over the course of the next three blog sessions, I am going to talk about the three changes that I am going to make mind, body, and soul. This first session, I am going to talk about body...especially since that is what a majority of the blog has been about.

My name is Chris and I am a compulsive overeater. That is how I would start off my part in talking anytime I would speak up in OA. Well, I am going to use this platform right now to discuss my eating plans. My primary "drug" of choice comes in a paper bag, and can come at any corner of any city in the US. My drug is fried in peanut oil, or vegatable oil...or just oil. It can be a potato, or chicken, or even something healthy like corn. My drug is fried food.

Fried foods are yummy...I think we all will admit that. Fried foods also can lead to cornary heart disease. According to "The Source" magazine, some 12.5 million americans suffer from Coronary heart disease. Now the article I read does not say how many are led to that by fried foods, but that cannot help.

For me fried foods have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I think french fries hav always been one of my favorite foods to eat. I love fried chicken, and wings, and potato chips, and corn nuggets, and all that stuff. It is on my plate almost on a daily basis. I am ashamed to admit that. But it is true. I have never been more serious in my life.

Well, my first change will be as of November 1st, I am elimnating fried foods from my day to day diet. If it is placed in a fryer, and cooked, I will do my best to resist the urge not to eat it. I have to do this for God, for the ministry that He has put in front of me. I have to do it for my nephews and God sons. I have to do this for my future wife...and I pray I may still be blessed to have one. I also have to do this for me. It is time to start treating my body like a temple, and not like a tent.

No matter what this will be an interesting experiment. Don't you agree?

I do need one thing from all of y'all out there. I need your prayers in this. I need you to pray for me to run as far away from this temptation as I possibly can. This is going to be one of the hardest things in the world for me to do. I promise...to some of y'all, I am sure you are going to be like...that should be easy...but I promise you, it will not be. Think about it like this...take away something very important to you (not your kids), and try not to do it for a week...that is what this is like. It will be tough, but with God's strength, I will top this. So pray for me my friends.

In a week, we will talk about my next change. Give me your comments, on what you think so far. Well wishes, would be awesome too!

Have a blessed week.

Your Eternal Bud.

"Praise You in This Storm"
words by Mark Hall

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
'I'm with you'
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
'I'm with you'
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth "

My friend Kerry reminded me of this song the other day. We were talking about theme songs for our lives. I use to do that a lot. Depending on how my life was going for a day, a week, month, or year, I had a song that kind of described how my life was treating me.

There was a period of time in my life where REM's "It's the End of the World, As We Know it", really seemed to hit close to home. Basically that the world around me was just falling apart, but I had to keep up the appearance that everything was fine.

The song above kind of comes in and out of my life as my theme. Again, just when it feels like the whole world is coming apart...at the seams, like crashing in on me...it is God who is there to lift me up, and take me away from the mess that I have put myself in. And the one thing I can do is praise Him all the more. Praise Him for the pain, but also praise Him for taking me away from the pain.

Another song that kind of hit home for me is a song by Dire Straits called "Brothers in Arms". Just talks about that no matter what you go through, you will have your friends to have your back. I first heard the song during an old West Wing episode. And even now when I hear it, takes me back to when I saw the episode for the first time.

Next two bands that mean a lot to me as I was going through college was Third Day and the OC Supertones. Both bands first albums came out around my first year at Flagler. It is amazing, because even now when I hear "Nothing at All" or "Adonai" it takes me back to driving my Toyota Tercel hatchback, that was constantly falling apart on me.

It is amazing the power of music. Music can lift your mood, it make you smile, cry, and sing out loud. Music makes my day.

This post is a little all over the place...but I would love to see your comments about some of your favorite songs...

And thanks for the comments from last week's post. I have not made the decision on what to change yet...but you will see here when I make the decision.

Until nest time, I am your Eternal Bud.

Ch-ch-changes

"Fix You"- by Coldplay
"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
'Just what your worth'

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you."

In church this week my friend Eric (who also is the Pastor of the church) preached about God giving us what we need when we give up what we think we need. His sermon has been running in my head ever since.

What is it in my life that I need to give up in order for God to give me what I need? I think about it this way...in order to heal, I have to cleanse the wound. The wounds in my life are very dirty from the things that I have done. As I continue to think about it, it is time to do some spring cleaning in my life. I want to change somethings in my life in order to help everything kind of come together. It is hard to explain, but it seems lately that I have been in a bit of a rut. And I think that a way out of that rut is to change one thing. With that one thing changed, I think that things will snowball and everything will come out changed.

The problem that I have is, that I am not sure what to change. Maybe I should rearrange my apartment (or clean it for that matter). Maybe change the way I spend my week? I am just not sure.

I am not sure how many people read this blog...but I do appreciate all of you who do. I could use your help. Can you faithful reader, help me by giving me advise on what I can change in my life. Has there been something that you have changed in your life, that you recommend? Please post a comment, and help a brother out.

Also, I am making a commitment to myself, and all of you that read this, that every Tuesday I will post a blog. If something inspires me, I will post more...but every Tuesday, I will at least post something new. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoy writing it for you.

Until next Tuesday...

Your Eternal Bud.

Under Construction

"Loser" by 3 Doors Down
"Breathe in right away.
Nothing seems to fill this place.
I need this everytime
So take your lies, get off my case.
Someday I will find
A love that flows through me like this
This will fall away, this will fall away.

You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
'Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser, yeah.

This is getting old.
I can't break these chains that I hold
My body's growing cold
There's nothing left of this mind or my soul.
Addiction needs a pacifier, the buzz of this poison is taking me higher.
This will fall away, this will fall away.

You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge.
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead.
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall
'Cause I'm a loser
I'm a loser!

You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge.
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead.
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall.
'Cause I'm a loser

You're getting closer
To pushing me off of life's little edge
'Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later you know I'll be dead.
You're getting closer
You're holding the rope and I'm taking the fall.
'Cause I'm a loser."

I just passed my 40 pound mark in losing weight. I am 1.2 pounds away from hitting my 10 percent of my original weight goal. I am struggling to stay motivated.

Around this point every time I have tried to lose weight, it is around this time that I walk away. I am not sure why that is. You would think that I would be getting pumped up about this. You would think I would be happy with the results. And for the most part I am. But their is an anxious streak that keeps coming up in me. And I am now wondering if I can do this. Can I see this to the finish? At this time, I am not sure.

I am getting tired of not seeing this through. I am tired of the fact that I am 34 years old, and I still struggle with my weight. I am tired of not having all the things that taking care of myself will hold. It is I that is denying myself of being married, of having children, of being loved. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I weighed in the 200-250 area (which is still considered heavy) that I can have each of those things. Why do I know this? Because I have everyone and their brother tell me that I am a good guy. That I am easy to talk to...that I am a good friend. Heck, I even know how to show with a member of the opposite sex. The only reason I am alone right now, is due to my weight. And yet, I am here struggling to stay motivated to lose weight. What is wrong with me??

I need to find the warrior spirit...I need to fight through this. But I am tired...I am tired.

To be continued...

Your Eternal Bud.