Fridays are a blessing and a curse for me now a days. Fridays mean the end of the week, and the beginning of the weekend which is great...it also means bowling night...which I am really enjoying...but it also means that it is the day before I weigh in.
You would think that weigh in days would be a source of happiness...but to be honest, they really are not. The Friday before, I stress out...I absolutely hate it. I can be having the best week in the world, work out regularly, eating well, and only lost about a half a pound...or lost 4 pounds...or if I had a bad week, eating bad, not working out that much, then it is like the long walk to failure. I know I have screwed up, and now there is nothing I can do about it. So now, i have to wait to see how bad I messed up. And then after a bad weigh in, it is a walk of shame...and all the people I have to tell that I have not lost anything, or that I have gained weight...to see the polite, "well you will do better next week", or just the look on their face that tells me, "oh he messed up...he does not take it seriously...he will never be healthy".
I will say this...I am taking it seriously this time around. I have lost weight the past 6 weeks. I am have signed up with a gym. I am working out on a regular basis now. I do not want to fail again. My goodness, I have failed at this over and over again. I have failed at trying to lose weight and taking care of myself since I was 13 years old. That was the first time I did Weight Watchers (this time with WW is my 7th time)...it did not stick then....and here I am now...praying that it will stick now...praying that I will not mess this up again. Praying that I will make my friends, my family, heck even me, proud one day. This is all that is going on in my head the day before a weigh in. And some of you wonder why I have gray hair.
So, if you ask me if I am excited about my weigh in's...the answer is no...it is all one big bundle of stress to me.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
COLDS: I Hate Them!
Yes, it is officially, I have a cold again. For some reason I get about 4 to 5 colds a year. It gets so completely annoying! I have trouble sleeping, my throat always get sore, and I can never breath. It kind of stinks!
So here I sit in my apartment which gets smaller the longer I sit in it, watching TV. I have read every site online that I normally do, I have even did some research on Harry S Truman. Truman is actually a really great president...he had a lot of really tough decisions to make in a very troubling time (WW II, Korea, communism). He made it through his time as president with a lot of grace, and humor. I must read a biography on him. But I digress...
My sister today told me that the boys have been sick...so that is probably where I got it. Sigh! These kids in my life...always making me sick. Oh yes, and my AC is leaking, and water is getting every where. But I just cleaned it up...Yuck...have to blow my nose.
Now, i know what you are thinking...this is a RANDOM blog to end all random blogs. I am beginning to think that too. Let me reel this in, and have a purpose to this blog.
The other odd part about being sick, is that you are always tired. You sleep a lot, but even after you wake up you are still tired.
Well, I am waiting on a phone call, so I am going to let you guys go...so sorry, no purpose to this blog.
Your Eternal Bud...
So here I sit in my apartment which gets smaller the longer I sit in it, watching TV. I have read every site online that I normally do, I have even did some research on Harry S Truman. Truman is actually a really great president...he had a lot of really tough decisions to make in a very troubling time (WW II, Korea, communism). He made it through his time as president with a lot of grace, and humor. I must read a biography on him. But I digress...
My sister today told me that the boys have been sick...so that is probably where I got it. Sigh! These kids in my life...always making me sick. Oh yes, and my AC is leaking, and water is getting every where. But I just cleaned it up...Yuck...have to blow my nose.
Now, i know what you are thinking...this is a RANDOM blog to end all random blogs. I am beginning to think that too. Let me reel this in, and have a purpose to this blog.
The other odd part about being sick, is that you are always tired. You sleep a lot, but even after you wake up you are still tired.
Well, I am waiting on a phone call, so I am going to let you guys go...so sorry, no purpose to this blog.
Your Eternal Bud...
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Updates
It has been an interesting couple of weeks for me. Lots of stuff to discuss, lots of things to mention...not sure why I have not written about it yet, but here we go.
Last week, I was able to spend part of my weekend in Orlando. I got to spend a little bit of time with my friends Melissa and Andy. That was a lot of fun. Saw Prince Caspian (awesome if you want to know) They are two very giving people. They opened up their doors for me so that I can be in Orlando for one of my best bud's graduation from seminary. On last Saturday, I went to a beautiful church service, and a gradution happened. That was what it was like...it was very cool. I was honored to be asked by Eric and his family to attend the graduation. He marched across the stage, and did not trip or anything. We then went out to a nice dinner in Eric's honor, and I was on my way home due to the next big thing...but before I go in to that, congrats to Eric...so proud of you man! And BIG thank you to Melissa and Andy for giving me a place to stay so that I can go to the graduation. You guys are awesome.
I went home on Saturday night, so that I can go to the St. George's Youth Sunday on Sunday. The reason I HAD to be there was due to three very special people who were a part of a ceremony for their impending graduation. I was very proud to hear 2 of them speak during the ceremony. One of them, said the most amazing thing that has been floating in my head for a solid week. She said, "It does not matter how you get there, or when you get there, just that you get there". There will be more to come in another blog about that statement...there is just way too much to talk about with that one statement alone. The Youth Sunday service was fantastic...I enjoyed it, and came out of it very happy and proud of my kids.
So then I go to the middle part of this past week. I decided that I need to take this taking care of myself to another lever. I have been steadily losing weight, and changing my eating habits, so I needed to take the next step. I signed up with a gym on Monday. I then proceeded to work out on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday of this week. I will be honest with you, I hate it. I cannot stand working out the way I am. But you know something, I need to do it. I HAVE to do this. It hurts ALL over...it is painful, AND it is not fun! On the treadmill about 15 minutes in the 30 minutes that I am on it, I start to want to jump off, and do anything else. But, so far I have not done it. Now mind you I had to pass up on something very fun today, because I was so very exhausted, and my legs are feeling very tired. But when I get healthier, this will all be worth it. I hope the friend I had to pass up today understands. I hope to one day be able to make up all the missed opportunities that I have to turned down with all of you. One day, I hope my weight will never be an issue when it comes to doing stuff with the people I love.
So, I weighed in yesterday and lost another 5 pounds. I am up to 22.8 pounds lost...and I have had 6 weeks now of not gaining any of the weight back, and not drinking one caloric beverage. (You know I figured out at one point in time I was probably drinking almost to over 2,000 calories in caloric beverages-drinks with calories in it- a day! YIKES). So this is stuff I am pretty proud of myself so far. Go me.
So this is where I am at now...will continue to try to blog more soon. Maybe there is somebody out there reading this.
Until then...I am your Eternal Bud!
Last week, I was able to spend part of my weekend in Orlando. I got to spend a little bit of time with my friends Melissa and Andy. That was a lot of fun. Saw Prince Caspian (awesome if you want to know) They are two very giving people. They opened up their doors for me so that I can be in Orlando for one of my best bud's graduation from seminary. On last Saturday, I went to a beautiful church service, and a gradution happened. That was what it was like...it was very cool. I was honored to be asked by Eric and his family to attend the graduation. He marched across the stage, and did not trip or anything. We then went out to a nice dinner in Eric's honor, and I was on my way home due to the next big thing...but before I go in to that, congrats to Eric...so proud of you man! And BIG thank you to Melissa and Andy for giving me a place to stay so that I can go to the graduation. You guys are awesome.
I went home on Saturday night, so that I can go to the St. George's Youth Sunday on Sunday. The reason I HAD to be there was due to three very special people who were a part of a ceremony for their impending graduation. I was very proud to hear 2 of them speak during the ceremony. One of them, said the most amazing thing that has been floating in my head for a solid week. She said, "It does not matter how you get there, or when you get there, just that you get there". There will be more to come in another blog about that statement...there is just way too much to talk about with that one statement alone. The Youth Sunday service was fantastic...I enjoyed it, and came out of it very happy and proud of my kids.
So then I go to the middle part of this past week. I decided that I need to take this taking care of myself to another lever. I have been steadily losing weight, and changing my eating habits, so I needed to take the next step. I signed up with a gym on Monday. I then proceeded to work out on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday of this week. I will be honest with you, I hate it. I cannot stand working out the way I am. But you know something, I need to do it. I HAVE to do this. It hurts ALL over...it is painful, AND it is not fun! On the treadmill about 15 minutes in the 30 minutes that I am on it, I start to want to jump off, and do anything else. But, so far I have not done it. Now mind you I had to pass up on something very fun today, because I was so very exhausted, and my legs are feeling very tired. But when I get healthier, this will all be worth it. I hope the friend I had to pass up today understands. I hope to one day be able to make up all the missed opportunities that I have to turned down with all of you. One day, I hope my weight will never be an issue when it comes to doing stuff with the people I love.
So, I weighed in yesterday and lost another 5 pounds. I am up to 22.8 pounds lost...and I have had 6 weeks now of not gaining any of the weight back, and not drinking one caloric beverage. (You know I figured out at one point in time I was probably drinking almost to over 2,000 calories in caloric beverages-drinks with calories in it- a day! YIKES). So this is stuff I am pretty proud of myself so far. Go me.
So this is where I am at now...will continue to try to blog more soon. Maybe there is somebody out there reading this.
Until then...I am your Eternal Bud!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Imagine This...
**Warning...this blog may be a waste of your time...but it may make you think or day dream.**
I think everyone who reads my blog knows that I am a big comic book dork. I think it is safe to say that, without anyone being shocked out of their socks. Well, last night I am reading a comic book, and thinking to myself, how cool would it be to be able to fly.
I close my eyes, and try to picture it. To be able to move gracefully (something, I have never been able to do), and go through the clouds. To be able to sore, and fly with the bird, would be incredible. Can you imagine flying up 3000 feet, and looking down to see how quiet the world would look. To be able to feel the sun on your face from a closer place? How amazing would it be to do something that no one else would be able to do? There would be such a peace about it.
Would flying be like swimming? Would it be like walking? I would love to just float, and just be able to just be. To have the 360 degree motion? To be able to go anywhere that I want to go...oh that would just be amazing to me.
I know this blog does not have much sense to it...but that is just what was floating in my head.
What super power would you like to have?
I think everyone who reads my blog knows that I am a big comic book dork. I think it is safe to say that, without anyone being shocked out of their socks. Well, last night I am reading a comic book, and thinking to myself, how cool would it be to be able to fly.
I close my eyes, and try to picture it. To be able to move gracefully (something, I have never been able to do), and go through the clouds. To be able to sore, and fly with the bird, would be incredible. Can you imagine flying up 3000 feet, and looking down to see how quiet the world would look. To be able to feel the sun on your face from a closer place? How amazing would it be to do something that no one else would be able to do? There would be such a peace about it.
Would flying be like swimming? Would it be like walking? I would love to just float, and just be able to just be. To have the 360 degree motion? To be able to go anywhere that I want to go...oh that would just be amazing to me.
I know this blog does not have much sense to it...but that is just what was floating in my head.
What super power would you like to have?
Monday, May 5, 2008
Why is it So Hard?
Food is my kryptonite. For those who are geek challenged, that means food is my weakness. I use to have the hardest time admitting that it was my weakness. I still do for the most part. But as I continue to lose the weight, I am see what weakness, or crutch that food is to me.
Yesterday, I had a conversation with my friend Andy. His wife had bought pizza for myself and a group of hungry gamers (hey, sitting around playing games is HARD work :), and there was plenty of left overs. Andy asked me if I wanted any of it, and I had to say no. I told Andy that I could not take any home. If I did, it would be eaten in mass amounts. Andy then asked if I wanted to take just 2 pieces home. I ended up telling him no again, because if I did take it home, I would have eaten both pieces later that night. I am glad I said no..because I am sure I would have been right.
My brain does not work like others. I get full like others, but i still continue to cram my face, even if I am full. I eat, like a bear in the winter time, not knowing when my next meal is coming. I am still not sure why I eat as much as I do...or why I eat, when I know I am full. I wish I did know. It is something that I am still trying to figure out why. Until I figure out why I eat the way I do, I am going to have to keep saying no. No to taking leftovers home, no to anything extra. Food is my drug...food is my fear. And every day I have to fight that fear.
So this is where I am right now...wish I had something more fun to say...but this is what is on my heart right now...
Yesterday, I had a conversation with my friend Andy. His wife had bought pizza for myself and a group of hungry gamers (hey, sitting around playing games is HARD work :), and there was plenty of left overs. Andy asked me if I wanted any of it, and I had to say no. I told Andy that I could not take any home. If I did, it would be eaten in mass amounts. Andy then asked if I wanted to take just 2 pieces home. I ended up telling him no again, because if I did take it home, I would have eaten both pieces later that night. I am glad I said no..because I am sure I would have been right.
My brain does not work like others. I get full like others, but i still continue to cram my face, even if I am full. I eat, like a bear in the winter time, not knowing when my next meal is coming. I am still not sure why I eat as much as I do...or why I eat, when I know I am full. I wish I did know. It is something that I am still trying to figure out why. Until I figure out why I eat the way I do, I am going to have to keep saying no. No to taking leftovers home, no to anything extra. Food is my drug...food is my fear. And every day I have to fight that fear.
So this is where I am right now...wish I had something more fun to say...but this is what is on my heart right now...
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