Thoughts are Screaming in My Head

Have you ever had so many thoughts running through your head that you can't get any of them out? Almost like a funnel that has too much in it, and everything gets stuck instead of pour out. Well that is how I am feeling right now. My head actually feels full. I am going to try to get some of it out right now.

• My friend Karisse's blog has been putting a lot of those thoughts in my head. Karisse has a heart for the world, and she does an amazing job in her blog talking about it. She is talking about Human Traffiking (hope I spelled that right) on her blog now, and I hope everyone who can read Karisse's blog does. It kind of shows how naive I am of the world as a whole right now. I have heard some things about Human Traffiking, but not to the extent that she is working with in her life right now. Karisse also has many resources that are on her site that you can go to if you have more questions, or want to help. Karisse, if you read this, and you are good with it, can you please post your blog site in the comment section of my blog? I am still not sure how I am going to help...but it is something that I feel like I need to do something.
• Tomorrow is my Godson Jacob, and his brother (my pal) Connor's joint birthday party. Now will this party be insane? Yes it will. It will be a dozen or more kids running around a controlled area, and basically acting like kids. I need to get my sleep tonight. But it will be fun. The smiles make it completely worth it. Giraffes, and hulu hoops, and Mickey Mouse oh my!
• My nephews have been in my thoughts a lot lately. I wonder if have spent enough time with them. I wonder if I have made an impact on their lives. I know I am selfish...I want to say something here, but it might hurt my family...so I think I am going to leave something unsaid.
• I think about my life and where I am right now. I think about my age, my marital status, my legacy. I do not think I have much of a legacy right now. I want to change that.
• I think about my weigh in tomorrow. And a little bit of fear creeps in. I think of the possibility of gaining weight. Of disappointing myself...of disappointing my friends. My hear grows heavy thinking about that.
• I think about after the party tomorrow, and about meeting my Uncle and Aunt to go to the movies. We are potentially seeing 2 movies tomorrow...in one day. Am I crazy? I might be.
• I think about God...I think about how lousy my prayer life is right now. I think about why I cannot stay focused enough to talk to Him in a focused completely heart felt way. I think about not being worthy enough to talk to the creator of the universe...and yet He still wants me to. You know, most actors, singers, or writers that are "famous" you cannot talk to anytime you want to, but the creator of the universe is available 24/7, and I do not take advantage of that enough. Why? Why? Why? Bishop Desmond Tutu once said, "There is nothing you can do to make God love you less. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more." But why do I always, always feel so completely unworthy.
  
• I think about the tobyMac song, "Lose My Soul". "I don't want to gain the whole world to lose my soul." I wonder how much of my soul has been lost to the world. We are to be in this world, not of this world. We are to be aliens in this world. I sometimes wonder if I have become a resident. Father, I hope not.
• Speaking of father's, my Dad sent an email to the family a few days ago to announce that he and his fourth wife Debbie are seperating and that they will probably be divorced soon. I feel bad for him about this one. The other ones, not so much...but this one I do. Dad has been on the straight and narrow on this one...he has tried hard to make it work. It just still fell apart. He seems OK with it. Almost resigned that this one has failed. I feel very bad for him.
  
• My Dad once asked me why I am not married yet...I told him that God gives fathers and sons so many chances at wives, and that he took all mine.
  
• I saw the movie Wall-E...it is amazing...I strongly recommend it to everyone.

Well, I got some of it out of my head...my head still feels full. Sigh.

Your Eternal Bud,

CHRIS